So you've found yourself a single mom. Now what? Being a mom is hard enough with a mate, but without one the challenge is enormous.
Step 1, Assessment. Where are you right now? Are you financially secure without him? Do you need a second income? Do you have child care? Do you need it? What can you afford for child care? Use the Assessment form in this book to figure out your current location. Only then can you begin to map the route back to your life.
Step 2. Take care of yourself. No, this does not mean that he left you because you let yourself go, or because you needed to lose a few pounds. The reason he's gone isn't relevant. You need to feel good about yourself right now and so, clean out your closet, find your best looking clothes and move them to the front. Get your hair done. Buy a little new make up. If you can't afford to get your hair done or buy new make up, ask friends if they have any coloring or cosmetics that they aren't so fond of and if they would donate them to you.
Step 3. Figure out what the kids need. If your partner is still active in your kids' life, then you know that you will be splitting the parenting duties with someone. If you're alone, you'll need to know things like potty training, playing catch, ballet lessons, and such. If you have to handle it without the support of the other parent, than you need to know what you need to know in order to be able to bring in reinforcements where you need to and where you can.
Step 4. Figuring out your finances. Whether you're financially secure or not, you most likely just lost at least some, if not a lot, of income. And even if you didn't, by losing your partner, you probably lost something that he provided that will now cost you. Maybe he paid the electric bill, or possibly he was your child care provider. Either way, you'll now have to add these expenses to your responsibilities. It's best to know what they are and how you are going to handle them. Financial help for single moms is available to you.
Step 5. The Home/Work Balance. This is a transistion for any mother once a child enters her world. But the guilt and the tightrope walk become ever so prevalent when Mom is single. Finding the right daycare, nanny or babysitter at the right price can be a huge undertaking, but with a little planning and forethought, it can be achieved. There are many legitimate work at home jobs and even small business grants that can help you start your own small home based business.
Step 6. Getting Emotional Support. Right now, you need a lot of this. Friends, family, support groups, all can be beneficial to helping you get through this. Even a therapist will help. If you don't have a therapist, or medical coverage, or cant' afford a therapist, there are support groups for you in your area that can refer you to someone to talk to.
Step 7. Spending 'quality time' with the kids without spending a fortune. You need to set aside time for the kids. This is important when there are two parents present in the home, but even more so when there is just the one. You don't have to take a trip to Disney to spend quality time with your children. There are lots of little 5, 10 and 20 minute projects that your child will remember as 'their time' for years to come. So don't sweat the high-ticket "prove I love you' things, focus on the precious moments.
Step 8. Dating. You can't really 'plan' when you'll begin dating again. There is no timeline for when any ONE person is ready for this step. But before you do start dating, you should have a plan for HOW you would like your dating life to be. Do you want someone who is relaxed and easygoing? Do you want an aggressive Type A personality who will be a good provider for you and your children? Are there any 'special' interests or hobbies that you have that you want your mate to 'share' in with you? Knowing the answers to these questions can save you from kissing a lot of frogs until you find that prince.
The Financial Help For Single Mom's blog offers tips for single mom's ranging from how to get your self-esteem back, how to handle finances, and ways to make extra money. You can even get a free copy of "The Single Mom's Survival Guide- Doing It Alone And Still Giving Your Kids A Great Life."
